we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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