I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
