I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
