It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
