My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
