me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
