I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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