rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
