dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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