Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
