Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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