I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
