why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
