i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
