She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
