I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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