I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
