why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
