so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
