does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
