dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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