I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You made out with two different species that night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
