I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
