Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
