I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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