He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
