1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
