Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
