There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
