Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
