Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
