I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
