even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
