I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
