apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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