He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
