No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
