my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cut my penus on the lid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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