Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
