You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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