I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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