Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
