I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
