i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
