the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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