My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
