And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
