his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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