did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
