I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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