A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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