Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
