so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bring me that man meat
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
