yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
