I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
