love makes seman taste better
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
